Okay, so I know I promised you guys a couple posts a while back, my fasting testimony and my paper for school. The latter I will post in segments because it is rather long. So first, I will post the testimony. The paper will probably begin on Thursday, but if end of semester school work piles up in the next couple days, it may have to wait until early next week. So here you are, readers! I hope it inspires you!
For about 10 years, I suffered under an addiction, the object of which I’ll leave unnamed. The beginning of it could be attributed to a number of different causes. On either side of my family that have been generational curses of addiction and of attacks of this nature. It arose in me shortly after my grandparents, who were the only Christian influence in my life, lost their regular interaction with me. I was starting middle school and starting a new era of social pressures. But regardless of the causes, I was a slave to this addiction for three uninhibited years. Then in 2004, I gave my heart to Christ, and for a time the problem seemed to go away. But somewhere in my mid-teens the addiction returned, much like the unclean spirit in Luke 11 who was evicted from his host and returned later when the house was clean and brought seven other spirits back with him. And then in 2007, I went to a youth conference in Atlanta called Forward with my youth group. During one of the worship sets, I prayed in earnest for freedom, and believed I had received it. But within a short time after, I was back to my old desires and habits. I knew every time what I was doing, what it was costing me, and what it was costing God. So many times, I came to the altar at my church and prayed and cried, and every time I ended up right back where I was. The song The Altar and the Door by Casting Crowns perfectly characterized my sin cycle. Guilt piled up, shame accumulated, fear grew in my heart. Self-hatred and depression and stress and all kinds of other side effects wore me down until my walk with God was hardly a walk at all. There were times as recent as a year and a half ago that I had to talk myself into staying in church and even believing in God, when I was frustrated because I couldn’t convince myself that He wasn’t real. Then I remembered a prayer of desperation I made just before things got to their worst point, where I asked God to not let me turn away completely, to not let me push Him all the way away. Even in all of my idolatry and rejection of God, He was faithful to answer that prayer. So when my pastor announced the corporate fast that our church was going to take part in, I decided to do it. I did the Daniel Fast for 21 days to seek freedom from my addiction. And now for the first time in 10 years, I can not only say that I haven’t reverted to those old actions, but I can also say that those desires are no longer in my heart and mind. I’ll end with a couple verses from Hosea 2.
“I am now going to allure her; I will lead her into the desert and speak tenderly to her. I will betroth you to me forever; I will betroth you in righteousness and justice, in love and compassion.”
It is for freedom that Christ has set us free, and there is nothing He cannot overcome within us if we will commit to Him, even to the point of fasting.