I have an astigmatism. My eye is shaped incorrectly, so objects at a distance appear slightly blurred. When the center is off, everything else gets out of balance.
My grandmother has had bouts of vertigo in recemt years. The fluids in her ear weren’t doing what they were supposed to, so she would black out and fall. When the center is off, everything else is out of balance.
Today, Kim Walker-Smith and her husband Skylar released their album Home, which of course I immediately purchased. The track “Christ the Rock” is all about the center, the true center of life. The chorus is only one word: Holy.
As that chorus resounds in my head today, with every repetition, it’s like a gavel strike at my sentencing. This is the standard you’re failing to meet; this is the mark you’re failing to hit; this is the goal you’re failing to reach.
Why? When the center is off, everything else is out of balance.
This summer, I’ve made some really bad choices. I’ve completely misorganized my priorities. I’ve abused people who gave me a chance. I’ve abandoned people who needed my help. I’ve run from my responsibilities and broken my promises. I’ve made excuses and justified all my actions. I’ve even lied to try to cover my trail of faults.
I’ve acted, as at least one person has put it, out of character. It seems that even when I give no reason for people to see the good in me, they choose to anyway. I’m thankful for that at least.
Anyone, then, who knows the good he ought to do and doesn’t do it, sins.
The problem with being taught well is that you have no excuse of ignorance. It’s obvious that your real problem is apathy, and no one can teach that out of you.
This Sunday my pastor preached on confessing your sins. Today, I confessed mine to someone I coule have run from, even wanted to run from. I was thankful for their graciousness.
Again I’m left contemplating God’s favor and wondering what on earth He sees in me worth bothering with anymore. I’m thinking about the one lesson I’ve failed to grasp: love.
Most, if not all, of my mistakes this summer can be traced back to that failure. I went looking for love that I should have known was already mine in Christ, the true center, and found myself digging yet another broken cistern that couldn’t hold water. In the process, I hurt everyone I should have been pouring out love to, because I didn’t seek love from the living spring.
When the center is off, everything else is out of balance.
I went came to the throne with a trembling heart; the day was done.
“Have you a new day for me, dear Master? I’ve spoiled this one.”
He took my day, all soiled and blotted
and gave me a new one all unspotted.
And into my tired heart he cried,
“Do better now, my child.”