This morning marked a huge change in my church’s music ministry. For the third time in the last 5-6 years, a worship leader has stepped down from his position and moved to another church. It was a completely amicable parting, no conflict or grudges, proper notice was served. But it left a hole.
So for the second time in our history, we’ve decided to move forward with a leaderless team. It’s not an easy task, but we have enough moving parts and combined experience to sustain us until a new head presents itself.
This morning was also the first time I’ve stepped into a more permanent place on the platform, leaving the sound booth, something which I’ve been wanting since entering the booth. But this week happened to be a bad time for us to start off. None of our schedules matched, so orchestrating a practice didn’t pan out. I ended up leading male songs that were a bit out of my range, so I was off key. Our guitarist was off-tempo. And our pianist wasn’t able to come because her child was sick.
For me personally, I just moved into a new place this weekend, so with all my activity in that direction, I slept through my alarm and came in 30 minutes late and missed our preservice meeting. This was something I had been so looking forward to, rejoining the praise team, and our first week out, we kind of flopped.
It was very frustrating. I don’t place blame on anyone else. I didn’t carve out time to practice on my own even despite the lack of group practice. I didn’t spend time praying over the transition. I didn’t communicate well enough with the rest of the team about what we should do and how.
I was unprepared. Ironically enough, the pastor’s message this morning was on just that: being purposeful about protecting and nurturing new birth. We as a team were not prepared for the task we faced this morning. But this afternoon, we began to discuss how to change that for the coming months.
I won’t lie, this turned out to be just an extra bit of discouragement for me at the end of a long week. I’ve dropped the ball on a couple things at work, ran out of time for a couple school assignments, now at the one place where I’ve always performed well, I’m tripping up. It’s almost enough to make me want to just go back to being behind the scenes and leaving the leading to someone else.
In all honesty, it seems as though I’ve fallen behind to a point at which I can’t catch up to where I ought to be. I know that’s neither Biblical nor optimistic, but it’s there, and more often than not lately I’ve felt like a giant disappointment to all the people who count on me. I’ve certainly been reprimanded enough times in the last few weeks to indicate that I’m doing something wrong.
And now I’m rambling, so my errors are spreading into the blogosphere as well. I suppose that’s an indication I should bring this to a close. But I know things will look up. Fortune favors the prepared, so it’s time to start preparing.